too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
