whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
