This girl is more easily done than said...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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