This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
