You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
