I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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