you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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