How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
