Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
