I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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