my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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