TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
