when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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