I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
