He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
