Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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