Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
