I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
