I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
40s are totally the cure
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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