So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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