Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
