you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
