Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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