kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
