Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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