Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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