so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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