he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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