i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
