He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
