PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
