I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
