tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
