Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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