this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
