i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
