the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
