I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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