you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
