Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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