I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
