There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
