Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
