I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
