I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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