Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
