Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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