i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
