based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
