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his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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