Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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