I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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